Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Hijab Obsession Part 2: Social Media- Pulling Us Together or Tearing Us Apart?

It’s been a while since Hijab Obsession Part 1, but what can I say? I only write when I am inspired. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF SISTERS TEARING EACH OTHER UP ON FACEBOOK. Ok? Got me? It’s sickening. I usually friend any sister who sends me a request. Since I never post anything super-personal, I don’t mind building up my sister-to-sister connection. However, I am now rethinking the whole social media thing.

I logged on last night to see what people were saying about the election, and of course a lot of the Muslims were arguing about whether or not to vote. I expected that. However, as I scrolled down I see a sister’s post, “I am sick of seeing these sisters walking around with their niqab flipped up!” Then the comments poured on about the sisters who “know they ain’t right” wearing turbans or colors or this or that or blah blah blah.

My first thought was, Uh… America just voted in a new President and this is the best you have to post? Then I really felt disgusted that these sisters took time out their day to bash other sisters for what they looked like on the OUTSIDE. And it made me think, dang, I give ALL Muslim sisters salaams, are they thinking these things when they see me on the street? Do they think that “I know I ain’t right?”

Ok, so every judgment should eventually bring on some self-assessment and reflection: Am I this judgmental? Yes, I love all my sisters and want the best for them, but there was that sister wearing a hijab with a lime green short set over the summer. And I sure did call up one of my sisters and have a good laugh. SHAKE MY HEAD! This is not appropriate behavior of a believing woman- period.

We are not supposed to backbite ANYONE. But when it comes to our sisters and brothers, we are actually supposed to look the other way and make an excuse for them. Yes, we are supposed to educate them, but not in a way to embarrass to make them feel lesser. And guess what, you may not be the one who is qualified to educate them. Ever think about that? Here’s some suggestions of what you could do next time you get your abayas in bunch and are about to call up every sister you know to blast a brother or sister who, “know they ain’t right.” That’s right put down your devices, and think before you post!

Example: You see a brother walk into a bar: Say to yourself, “I bet that brother is going in there looking for someone.” Then forget you ever saw him.
Example: You see a sister who wears niqab at the masjid in some hot pink tight booty shorts: “As Salaamu Alaikum Sister! How are you these days? Want to come to my house for some jasmine tea? We can read Qur’an or just talk.” And this is the hard part: don’t tell anyone, whether she accepts your invite or not!  Then pray for her and for yourself.
Example: Someone on facebook says something you really can’t stand, instead of getting in a heating argument you either: 1- hide/delete them or, 2- Say, “Alhamdulillah, Allah knows best my sister. I love you for the sake of Allah. Masjid ____ holds classes on this subject every Sunday after taleem. Salaam!”
We are all striving together! Don’t forget that. We must ask ourselves: What would the Sahaba do?
"He who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (this earthly life) or a believer, Allah will relieve a hardship of the Day of Resurrection for him; he who makes it easy for an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; Allah will be in the slave 's need, as long as the slave is in his (believing) brother's need…"
 [Saheeh Muslim]
And Allah SWT says:

And when they hear AlLaghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: “To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.”
(Surah Al-Qasas: Verse 55)


Anonymous said...

As-salaamu alaikum. I know you weren't specifically speaking about "arguing" but a lot of it boils down to I am right you are wrong? Right? So, to my knowledge it is completely permissible to disagree. It's actually guaranteed with the array of opinions surrounding some of these commonly debated issues, however our manner is what is critical. How we disagree with one another is crucial.

So anyway, I am often hesitant to quote hadiths, and I pray this fits the context:

Sahih Muslim: The Book of Knowledge: Chapter 2. [6780] It was narrated that 'Aishah said: "The Messenger of Allah SAWS said: 'The most hated men of to Allah is the one who is argumentative and is harsh in arguing."

Holly Garza said...

MashaAllah! I loved this! JazakAllah khayer for sharing.

May Allah reward you for the reminders Ameen.

Anonymous said...

Sorry in advance for this long comment, lol!

One thing folks can do is to stop and reflect about where they came from before they open there mouths to speak ill of someone know the hadith, let what you know about yourself keep you from blaming others. Like, think of some things you use to do before you knew better, or maybe you knew but just didn't do it. Allah was patient with you, so how can we not be patient with others now? I think we forget that when we "backbite" instead of advise wisely, what we are actually doing is exposing our own faults, ie jealousy, backbitting slander, envy etc.
So, the sister may not be wearing nikab or the hijab right (that's on on the outside)...that's easy to fix, but the envier, backbitter, etc) may be harboring a deeper disaease of the heart that may very well be harder to fix! May we all be saved from this! Yes, of course we encourage all of our sisters to cover the proper way, and reap the benefits that come alone with doing so, but on the other hand recognize that some sisters who look like they got it 'going on' on the outside may be real tore up on the inside! When we unerstand that NO ONE is perfect and that anyone of us at any time can be as the hadith states an arm's length from jennah, and turn into the people of the jahannam, we realize how much we really need each other.

It's way to petty to still be on this discussion! we have so many other things we could be doing to empower each other. If you really love for your sister what you love for yourself, you would want your sister to be corrected in a loving and sincere way. Would you appreciate being put on blast in a crowd of folks? And if you do put a sister on blast, can we then turn and put you on blast saying..."sister so-in-so is backbitting on fb! Can you believe she didn't go to the sister in privacy and advise her? She must don't know about the punishment talked about in surah humaza! Girl, "she know she ain't right!" What's up with that?!!!

I'm just saying, how can we break our backs to do dawah to folks on the streets and be soooo patient with them as they transition into islam, and be so short and down right ugly with our sisters when Allah has given them more rights over us?

What's the solution to this seemingly endless petty argument?
YOU are the solution!!!
Whether you are the one judging or the one being judged, be patient with each other. Give the other an excuse, and make dua's for each other. If you can approach your sister in an islamic manner then yes, do so, but just check yourself for sincerity, love and compassion when doing so. We try to be so hardcore sometimes with each other, forgetting how our most perfect example the Rasool (saas) handled his business....with kindness and mercy. We can be our own worst enemies...seriously. We need to find some salaam when dealing with each other.
Anyway, al hamdul'Allah, I know a community where the sisters use some of the most beautiful tactics to help/correct each other, and by default and seeing their example of true sisterhood others have grown in their deen. Our example is more powerful than half the things we can ever say.

So, lets all pray for each other because we all need help, seeing as none of us are perfect just remember....

~~~None of you truly beleive until you love for your brothers/sisters what you love for yourself.~~~~

When we get this in our heart, we can get past a lot of out problems that are blocking our progress! Allahu wa allaum.

Umar A. Hakim said...

Muslim Mommy, continue being a just moderated and intervene with the best of intentions and use stratgey.

Not necessarily censoring your opinion, but driving commentary into a personal reflection.

As we know, social media is an uncensored new platform for conversation; and for most it's the only form of expression/outlet they have. So their alter ego roams free to say, what's not normally expressed.

So have "patience" with us, and post these awesome blog-ver-sa-tions #createavoice

Muslim Mommy said...

"I'm just saying, how can we break our backs to do dawah to folks on the streets and be soooo patient with them as they transition into islam, and be so short and down right ugly with our sisters when Allah has given them more rights over us?"


JazakAllah kharin for your positive comments. Alhamudulillah, I feel blessed to attract such reflective and Allah-LOving people! said...

again another awesome post!!!