The Hijab Obsession Part 2: Social Media- Pulling Us Together or Tearing Us Apart?

It’s been a while since Hijab Obsession Part 1, but what can I say? I only write when I am inspired. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF SISTERS TEARING EACH OTHER UP ON FACEBOOK. Ok? Got me? It’s sickening. I usually friend any sister who sends me a request. Since I never post anything super-personal, I don’t mind building up my sister-to-sister connection. However, I am now rethinking the whole social media thing.

I logged on last night to see what people were saying about the election, and of course a lot of the Muslims were arguing about whether or not to vote. I expected that. However, as I scrolled down I see a sister’s post, “I am sick of seeing these sisters walking around with their niqab flipped up!” Then the comments poured on about the sisters who “know they ain’t right” wearing turbans or colors or this or that or blah blah blah.

My first thought was, Uh… America just voted in a new President and this is the best you have to post? Then I really felt disgusted that these sisters took time out their day to bash other sisters for what they looked like on the OUTSIDE. And it made me think, dang, I give ALL Muslim sisters salaams, are they thinking these things when they see me on the street? Do they think that “I know I ain’t right?”

Ok, so every judgment should eventually bring on some self-assessment and reflection: Am I this judgmental? Yes, I love all my sisters and want the best for them, but there was that sister wearing a hijab with a lime green short set over the summer. And I sure did call up one of my sisters and have a good laugh. SHAKE MY HEAD! This is not appropriate behavior of a believing woman- period.

We are not supposed to backbite ANYONE. But when it comes to our sisters and brothers, we are actually supposed to look the other way and make an excuse for them. Yes, we are supposed to educate them, but not in a way to embarrass to make them feel lesser. And guess what, you may not be the one who is qualified to educate them. Ever think about that? Here’s some suggestions of what you could do next time you get your abayas in bunch and are about to call up every sister you know to blast a brother or sister who, “know they ain’t right.” That’s right put down your devices, and think before you post!

Example: You see a brother walk into a bar: Say to yourself, “I bet that brother is going in there looking for someone.” Then forget you ever saw him.

Example: You see a sister who wears niqab at the masjid in some hot pink tight booty shorts: “As Salaamu Alaikum Sister! How are you these days? Want to come to my house for some jasmine tea? We can read Qur’an or just talk.” And this is the hard part: don’t tell anyone, whether she accepts your invite or not!  Then pray for her and for yourself.

Example: Someone on facebook says something you really can’t stand, instead of getting in a heating argument you either: 1- hide/delete them or, 2- Say, “Alhamdulillah, Allah knows best my sister. I love you for the sake of Allah. Masjid ____ holds classes on this subject every Sunday after taleem. Salaam!”

We are all striving together! Don’t forget that. We must ask ourselves: What would the Sahaba do?

"He who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (this earthly life) or a believer, Allah will relieve a hardship of the Day of Resurrection for him; he who makes it easy for an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; Allah will be in the slave 's need, as long as the slave is in his (believing) brother's need…"

 [Saheeh Muslim]

And Allah SWT says:

And when they hear AlLaghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: “To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.”

(Surah Al-Qasas: Verse 55)

The Art of Arguing

True to the name of this blog, I am always digging for knowledge. After all, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) commanded for us to "Seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave." However I have found that it is all to easy to slip into the mode of seeking conflict rather than truly seeking knowledge. Far too many times I will read an enlightening hadith or book written by a renowned scholar, then all of a sudden I think I am qualified enough to teach this precious new information to others. Then when someone disagrees with me, I feel the need to defend my point view to point where I find myself in a debate on a subject that I probably no very little about. Is it pride that drives me to the point of arguing with my fellow Muslims and beloved non-Muslim family and friends? Do I harvest an insatiable hunger to be right all the time? Surely I cannot be that egotistical? Well, I won't be that hard on myself, but I noticed that sometimes I can get so wrapped up in proving a point, that I myself is not willing to accept a different point of view. What happen to agreeing to disagree? I've discovered that when it comes to matters of religion, people are very sensitive because it is hard to admit that we have been serving our Lord incorrectly, whether through dress, prayer, or understanding our holy books. Ego also plays a part- a man doesn't want to be corrected by a woman, or an Arab by an Indonesian, or a parent by a child, or a teacher by a student, or an American convert by an Muslim-born immigrant . . . and the list goes on.

I think we can all learn to teach to and learn from each other with a greater sense of sensitivity and wisdom: maybe we are both right or perhaps we could both be wrong. Whatever the case, always seek refuge with Allah from the whisperings of the shatan before entering a discussion. Ask Allah to purify your intentions so that we are not just intentionally starting an argument for the sake of being right.

Judge Not!

JUDGE NOT!

My dear parents came to visit me from Philadelphia and of course I had to take them to see the sights and the lights of the Las Vegas strip. So I prepared myself for the too close for comfort crowds, the smoky casinos, and all the haram goings-on, but I did not prepare to JUDGE NOT. . . I was fine at first cruising from casino to casino pushing my baby stroller, wearing a colorful hijab and matching tunic. Then we landed at the Fashion Show mall food court. As my parents chowed down, my eye caught a glimpse of a scantily clad young woman laughing with her friends. All of a sudden I became fixated on this woman, clad in a purple spandex mini-dress, sparkly gold strappy platform heels, platinum gold long hair extensions, too-blue-to-be-true contact lenses, and enough make-up to paint the Sistine Chapel! My fixation quickly progressed to obsession as I thought: “Wow, she really thinks she’s cute. Ha!" “I mean she’s dressed like a two-dollar whore!” “No respectable man would be attracted to THAT!” Then I became all pious, thinking: “Poor thing, she needs Islam”. “She just doesn’t know any better. SHE IS LOST”.

Well, the truth is, I still have fleeting thoughts about that woman I saw in the food court over a month ago. I went home that night and pondered on why I had reacted in such a vehement fashion. My conclusion: She is me and I am her. I did to her what many people may be doing to me everyday. I judged her; and that was a dangerous thing. Once we start making assumptions about each other, we start to categorize them and usually we use this compartmentalizing to then elevate ourselves above our own downfalls and imperfections, i.e. “I am better because . . .” In my situation, who was more in the wrong; the woman in the tight dress or the woman in the hijab who judged and slandered the woman in the tight dress? As Muslims, we often recite Allah Knows Best, but do we really believe it and put it into practice?

Let’s not forget that all of us have a story and all of us have secrets that only a few people know, or maybe that only you and Allah know. As headlines in February wrote, “Muslim TV Mogul Muzzammil Hassan’s alleged beheading of wife, Asiya Hassan, may be honor killing”, I thought Oh God, Islam will surely be blamed for this one! Society has shown us many clear examples of how dangerous judging can be, yet we continue to cast fellow Muslims and fellow human beings into the hellfire. Allah is the only one with that authority because he is the only one who sees into the hearts of men.

We are far from perfect as individuals and we are far from perfect as Muslims. We can’t give dawah (inviting others to Islam) by pointing and whispering and we certainly can’t build our iman (faith) by shifting the blame. We all have skeletons in the closet, so when you see someone with their bones exposed, remember you are one soft layer away from being exposed yourself! These ayats have helped me think twice before I judge, and InshAllah (God willing) it will help you too. Read. Recite. Absorb.

Al Maida (5:48-50) Holy Qur’an

“To thee we sent the scripture in truth, confirming the scripture that came before it, and guarding it in safety: so judge between them what Allah hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging from the truth that hath come to thee. To each among you have we prescribed a law and an open way. If Allah had so willed, he would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you: so strive as in a race in all virtues. The goal of you all is with Allah; it is he that shows you the truth of the matters in which ye dispute;

And this (He commands): Judge thou between them by what Allah hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they beguile thee from any of that (teaching) which Allah has sent down to thee. And if they turn away, be sure that for some of their crimes it is Allah's purpose to punish them. And truly most men are rebellious.

Do they then seek after a judgment of (The Days of) Ignorance? But who, for a people whose faith is assured, can give better judgment that Allah?”

That’s deep. Allah knows best.