I WAS JUST JOKING!

This one will be short and sweet, or bitter if you just want to be stubborn and not accept the fact that you are not perfect, and neither am I. I remember the first time someone brought it to my attention that I perhaps had a problem with speaking before I thought. It was an acquaintance in high school, "Krisheena, sometimes you really put your foot in your mouth." I was speechless. I had never been told this before, but I took it seriously and at that moment, I vowed to work on improving that aspect of my personality.  Well, I am still a work in progress.

Recently I said some things to friend "just joking,” justifying it in my mind because I meant no harm.  However, there has been a dark cloud over my head ever since. Even though, it was just in “fun,” the things I said were not nice, and this is not acceptable behavior of a believing woman. A joke should never be at someone else’s expense. So, I have am making a resolution to be mindful of the things I say. I will pretend I have a filter in my throat that won't allow any hurtful words to pass through. We would like to think it's cool to make fun of others, but it’s not, GOD said so!   


“O you who believe! Let not a group ridicule another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it to insult one’s brother after having Faith” (Surah Hujuraat 49:11)

A common excuse used by people who like to make fun of others is, “I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you!” However, we must ask ourselves, is the other person really laughing?

The Hijab Obsession - Part I

I often will hear Muslim sisters (and brothers) say:

“I can’t stand to see sisters wearing niqab (the face veil.)”

“I can’t stand to see sisters wearing all black.”

And on the contrary, other sisters say…

“I can’t stand to see sisters wearing pants.”

“I can’t stand to see sisters wearing brightly colored clothes.”

Few Muslims would argue that the correct hijab for women is to cover everything except the face and hands, and not to wear anything that draws attention or flatters the figure. There might be some who will dispute this, but most Muslims and scholars subscribe to this understanding, even if they do not choose to adhere to it.

That being said, why is it that Muslim sisters are actually disgusted with one another and claim they can’t stand to see their fellow sisters dressed a certain way? We should be uplifting our sisters, instead of beating them down with our judgments and backbiting. Do you want to know what I can’t stand?

• I can’t stand to see sisters in cliques; whispering and giggling while making other sisters feel alone.

• I can’t stand to have a conversation about outer modesty, without considering also the inner modesty.

• I can’t stand to see the Muslim community divided over something as simple as dress code.

Some of you will read this and say, why is she saying these things, is she undermining the importance of hijab? Quite the opposite, my sisters and brothers. I am simply trying to promote empathy and humility. When we make judgments of each other, we are creating a divide, and that is the last thing the Muslims need to do when we are living in a society that dislikes all of us, no matter how we dress.

I am also encouraging sisters and brothers to use proper adab (manners) when it comes to correcting each other. We are supposed to pull the misguided person aside and teach them the correct way. But before that, you have to check your own intention (why are you really correcting them?) and also check your own correctness (different schools of thought believe in different things, so just stick to the Qur’an and Sunnah) and have proof of your correction. However, I find many times we can lead by example, correcting our own misguided ways before approaching anyone else. If you talk about your sister/brother to others or say sarcastic remarks, your sin is worse than theirs.

Here is some fruitful guidance from the Qur’an:

And when they hear AlLaghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: “To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.”

(Surah Al-Qasas: Verse 55)

There is much more I’d like to share on this topic, so please check back for part II and perhaps part III, God-willing. Any good you can extract from this article is from Allah, and any bad from me. I pray that my intentions are good and that Allah will guide us on the straight path. AMEEN